One of the things I was analyzing today was the feelings that blows up when you get your heart broken. I’m surprised how I didn’t let it really show how much it hurt when it happened to me. But jeez boy, I’m was in a constant pain. I am going to describe the feeling for you with a wish that you’ll might feel I can relate to your situation. I’m also going to give some light on this so hear me out.
To describe the pain in words it’s like you’ve swallowed knives and bricks. Which have blocked and are stuck in your stomach and chest. They’re heavy to bear which makes you tired but also decreases your appetite which makes you even more weak. If a too sensitive memory or thought of “what if…” comes up, it’s like someone gives you a deep cut from the inside. Your eyes are pretty much always tense and swollen. Because if you just let yourself think too much about it, you would just want to cry. But you’ve already cried so much so you’ve ran out of tears so it would just be painful. Pretty amazing that one person can have such a huge impact on you right? With all this pain
Some doubts I had here was that: will I ever find someone who is better for me? Will I get over this? Am I just in chock or is this really how sad I am? Am I worth someones else? Why wasn’t I worth his love? I was worth my own love, but why couldn’t I feel it when it happened?
When I was in my worst state, I was in my bubble bath and the mind-opening situation for was that one of the bathing decorations randomly fell on my shoulder. Maybe just a coincidence? But my head connected it with that it patted my shoulder and someone had the meaning to say, “you’re okay”. That little pat, made me be able to separate my thoughts and look down on the situation. Which have made me way wiser of my own feelings and this kind of experience in general.
But where do I want to come with all these brick and girl power struggles? You have probably your own experiences that made you doubt yourself. Because that is the main thought – something bad happens that makes you doubt yourself. Hear me out. Well I realized that every single time I’ve had this/a similar feeling – big or small. (Doesn’t have to be heartbreak. But you know when you go through something rough or something really hard/ a chock hits you.) I’ve always come out of it proud, strong, wise, with more knowledge, experience and most important of all – happier! I always became a better version of myself. The process is painful but it’s not really leaving any wounded scars. I’m just changing my skin, sloughs. That counts for you too if you let yourself. It makes you sore and sensitive, yes. Because changing skin is really tough. It’s tiring and you’re scared because you have no idea how it will be – because all you know is that it will be different from the one you have now. Plus the process is individually long depending on the situation. But when you’re done and when the lovingly healing part comes… You will be so happy you got your new beautiful skin.